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Instagram y las leyes del universo

Hace un par de semanas, en una de esas cenas madrileñas que tanto me gustan —quiero decir: reserva con descuento por El Tenedor en algún gastrobar de moda, mesas alargadas de madera, luces tenues, música animada, vino y tartar por encima de muchas posibilidades— mantenía una divertida conversación sobre Instagram.

Sí, los millennials hablamos de estas cosas a la hora de la cena mientras suena, a veces, Britney Spears.

Era una conversación de esas en las que dices todo lo que te viene en gana sobre un análisis sesudo que llevas meses realizando. Has observado, has comentado, has comparado… y has decidido. Entre risas, vino, comentarios hirientes, más vino, nos pusimos a desgranar a algunos de esos tipos que seguimos en Instagram y que, aunque odiamos, no podemos dejar de mirar y mirar.

Los adjetivos volaban de lado a lado en la mesa. La mayoría de los que seguimos, reconocimos casi al unísono, son gente normal. Instagram es un lugar fabuloso para entrenarte como fotógrafo, contar el día a día, tratar de ser un poco foodie, un poco viajero, un poco cultureta. Nos gusta ver qué comen, a dónde viajan o qué leen nuestros amigos. Es lindo y admirable la capacidad fotográfica de la gente. Y que nos llenen el time line de buenrollismo.

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Hay gente, mucha gente de mi entorno, que utiliza la aplicación como medio de información o de apoyo para el trabajo. La mayoría de los grandes medios de comunicación tienen una cuenta en la que cuelgan fotografías y vídeos con pequeñas historias; periodistas en zonas de conflicto que relatan el día a día de una guerra; cocineros que nos deleitan con sus recetas y trucos en la cocina —lo mismo con blogueras de moda, deportistas, seguidores de una religión, viajeros, forofos de un equipo—; incluso gente a dieta que motiva a otra gente a dieta con recetas, ejercicios, bebidas, fotos del antes y el después (esto motiva especialmente). Famosos que te facilitan la foto para la noticia que tienes que escribir [insertar>>html], firmas de moda que enseñan los modelitos o restaurantes que pasan de carta y directamente cuelgan los platos para que se te vaya haciendo la boca agua.

¿Qué tienen en común todos ellos? La novedad, el hecho noticioso, la realidad, el streaming. Porque sí, Instagram es una plataforma para subir fotos de lo que haces al momento. Como mucho una de las vacaciones del verano con el hashtag #ganasdeverano. Es aquí cuando viene el primer espécimen de la lista [carcajadas en la mesa mientras pedimos otra botella de vino], el que no ha entendido la funcionalidad de la aplicación y se cree que es MySpace o Facebook y se dedica a colgar fotos de hace cinco meses, un año, tres o diez.

Entender mal el funcionamiento de la plataforma o los objetivos para los que fue concebida trae más problemas. Hay quien no sabe muy bien para qué sirven los hashtags, pero ellos los usan; los usan mucho y mal. #hola #aquí #estoy #noche #haciendo #fotos #alegría #rajoy #soyyo #yomismo #vivaespaña. Venga, todo lo que se nos ocurra que, total, cabe. A ver, querido, ¿crees que alguna persona va a buscar de motu proprio #MeGustaCarolPérez? NO.

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“Hoy va a ser un buen día”, Aristóteles. “Si la vida de da limones, echa tequila y sal”, Umberto Eco. “Las cosas buenas pasan a quien las espera. Las mejores, a quien va a por ellas”, Mr. Wonderful. Venga, reconozcámoslo, todos hemos compartido una frasecita de estas en algún momento de nuestras vidas; o leyendo un libro, el título que nos ha llamado la atención. Pero a quien lleva esto a niveles insospechados. Sube todo, todo, todo lo que encuentra a su paso. Pixelizado, borroso, mal escrito, con la autoría incorrecta. Los tengounafrasepato han cambiado los corta-pega en las carpetas del instituto por Instagram. Han hecho de la red social su muro de lamentaciones. Superad esta etapa de frases de mierda, que ya sois mayorcitos.

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El siguiente es un clásico entre los clásicos. Los selfimaníacos. Es gente que está enferma, de verdad. Tengo un contacto en Instagram en cuya cuenta SOLO hay selfies, selfies y más selfies. Cuando van de viaje y nos quieren enseñar un paisaje, por ejemplo, no se dan cuenta de que sería un placer inmenso ver el puto paisaje, no su cara. De verdad creo que este es un asunto serio, tiene un trasfondo psicológico para el cual no estoy capacitada.

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Uno de los que más odio es el que sube fotos de mierda. Imágenes desenfocadas, pixeladas, con filtros horribles que horribilizan aún más la foto. Los que no tienen ni idea de fotografía, nos enseñan sus cuartos llenos de mierda, váteres, mantas roídas en el sofá, los que sacan fotos con el móvil a otras fotos en la pantalla del ordenador. Los que no tienen ni puta gracia, resumiendo. De verdad, no os empeñéis, yo no practico baloncesto porque mido 1,60. No hay que tratar de hacer cosas que se nos dan mal.

Y en realidad, y después de cuatro botellas de vino, mucho aguacate, tartar y foie, he llegado a la conclusión de que todos tenemos un poco de aquellos, pero que hay gente que realmente necesita hacérselo mirar. Al final, también están reflejando su vida en Instagram [y la manera en la que lo hacen es preocupante].

207 thoughts on “Instagram y las leyes del universo

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  64. This is a great tip for finding Do Follow blogs. Like others have mentioned I believe that a person should also try to get a few no follow backlinks on high ranking sites as well just because it does look a little funny to Google if a website has all do follow backlinks and not one that is a no follow. It may actually penalize the site. Plus some no follow backlinks can actually drive more traffic to a site than do follow so that is another plus of changing it up.

  65. Επιστήμονες, αλλά κυρίως πανεπιστημιακοί.Δεν έχω όμως πάρα πολύ καλή γνώμη για τους σημερινούς mainstream μανδαρίνους των απανταχού ΑΕΙ. Πλήν φωτεινών εξαιρέσεων, βέβαια.Είναι πολύ εξαρτημένοι από το σύστημα, δηλαδή χρήμα και εξουσία. Ο παλαιότερος ακαδημαικός με την (σχετική) πνευματική ανεξαρτησία και το ηθικό αυτεξούσιο, είναι σήμερα μάλλον “απειλούμενο είδος”. Και δυσκολεύεται πολύ στη σταδιοδρομία του.

  66. Ó Companheiro Kaos,Os dados deste post ainda são muito altos. Há que ouvir os autênticos economistas e não a escumalha vendida aos políticos:Ai que não é! O que a coelhada governamental está a preparar é praticamente o enterro do país.Quanto ao Coelho só mentir, é ver aqui a sobre isso:, com uma bela composição do Kaos.Quanto ao anónimo das 21:16, eu bem avisei como ia ser, que era fácil de ver. Por isso que não têm agora que se chorar. Escolheram, assumam.

  67. Mitt Romney and it’s because of a gut feeling I have that he has the financial best interests of Americans at heart.He also doesn’t have a need to stoop to vicious snide tactics, he says what he thinks and what he needs to say in an intelligent, gentlemanly, non-sarcastic non-vindicive way while still getting his opinions across clearly. This to me is world-class behavior that will serve him as president and I believe he will go a long way to recreate what’s right with America.So…I’m mit Mitt.

  68. A la fin de l’article, l’auteure précise bien « ancienne communiste, membre de la FASE ». Et non de EELV comme vous le laissez croire. La FASE participe au Front de Gauche qui a dépassé les 11% au 1er tour des présidentielles et non 2% comme vous le laissez penser.

  69. Game 7 against Denver, i saw Kobe a little bit different already. The scary thing Lakers have to pay Kobe more money next two years and we are not sure Lakers will win second round in the playoffs again. About Session, he came to LA from bad Cleveland team, i understand why he didn’t play well, he doesn’t have experience to play in the big games yet . Lakers should give the the ball to Bynum, don’t need to shoot the ball from outside every times with 2 min left. Kobe with 5 championship experience are all gone.

  70. Io invece stavo parlando di quanto petrolio e suoi derivati si consumano con un auto normale (benzina o diesel) a confronto con quella ad aria o anche elettrica. Lo so benissimo che l’efficienza di una auto ad aria è ancora bassa ma da qui a dire che è improponibile nel futuro ce ne passa. Tu puoi prevedere il futuro? Ma sì continuiamo a smontare chi ha idee diverse dal comune pensare del petrolio

  71. I was curious if you ever thought of changing the structure of your site?
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  73. PCU: In STAS, Bizarro was a broken clone of Superman who essentially began falling apart. He meant well, but was used by Luthor (and eventually others), making him tragic (and never really villainous of his own accord). While he was pretty much just a one note gag in Justice League, they kinda used Solomon Grundy in a similar way.

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  75. pawelk Owszem, w co drugim anime.A film leci po schematach z filmów akcji jak szalony, skakanie z wiaduktu na pociÄ…g, zÅ‚e bliźniaczki, przysadzisty generaÅ‚ + schematy z anime czyli katana i typowe przewrócenie siÄ™, typowa postać w grupie – maÅ‚y chÅ‚opiec. Zawsze z niewiadomych przyczyn musi siÄ™ taki znaleźć.

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  77. What is the best way of getting your ex back ?I was dating with her for nearly a whole year ! and then we broke up. We broke up for a trivial thing. How can you get your ex girlfriend back ? or can you actually get back at your ex girlfriend after a breakup that I find decisive ?Please help me if you have some tips to share ! Maybe you could post some love poems to get back at my me.

  78. Wow! I had wondered if other women were like me. It seems that when my life is the darkest, it’s just the turning point. When I’m through crying about it, I act to change it. I know men are problem solvers, and I’m glad to see that women can be too. Too many just complain again and again and do nothing to change the circumstance. I am so glad your silver lining is shining brightly today and hope it continues to do so, shrinking that black cloud into non-existence.

  79. free e-book, read first 4 pages only, if you dont worship jesus and arent prepared to ‘immerse yourself in the supernatural’ or meditate on ‘heaven’ and other biblical concepts then look elsewhere for yoga information/advice..

  80. Hi! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website with us so I came to take a look. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers! Great blog and excellent design.

  81. Same comment I made over at Libertarian Republican.I love this woman! If McCain had a quarter as much domestic policy sense as Sarah, we might have some semblance of the Reagan era, and could get on with prosperity filled lives.Palin should be a model for future libertarian republican, senators, representatives, assemblymen, mayors, etc. In other words, someone who has the, uh… well, what most men used to have. And the sooner the better!

  82. creo que no merecen lo que el estado les da todos los años las obras sociales se hacen de otra forma trabajando un poco y tragando ellos menos por tanto si necesitan dinero que lo pidan al Vaticano y ellos a trabajar y menos bares y fiestas, por tanto los curas tambien pueden trabajar un poco para ganarselo, adios

  83. You won’t see this, Lisa, but I do plan to come. I’ll try to get details of when and where from someone. I’m not able to do much work, but I could cheerlead and take a few photos to commemorate an unusual gathering.

  84. Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.

  85. With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My blog has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either written myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my permission. Do you know any ways to help protect against content from being stolen? I’d really appreciate it.

  86. I think natural products are the best things to use for our skin.I have been using Kiss My Face Oilve oil soap and I have been applying on my face a daily mask of olive oil, honey and lemon juice. I have really seen a difference in my skin. (I have combo, acne prone skin.)Thanks for posting the vid!

  87. â–º VLAD ALIAS ÉMILE JAZOLA | le 18 septembre 2008 à 11:22« J’accuse Wanatoctoumi de s’être rendu complice, tout au moins par faiblesse d’esprit, d’une des plus grandes iniquités du siècle. »Quoi ? Caisse ? Housse ? Commence ?LA PLUS GRANDE INIQUITÉ DU SIÈCLE ?Quelle iniquité ? Pourquoi ?L’UN DES PÉNIS A LA DURITE QUI GICLE ?

  88. Actually, as soon as the TSA/UN government are given the choice between 'offending' 350 million American non-muslims – or offending a few million American muslims – I think there is no doubt which way a politician would jump. Imagine 1 million people suing the TSA for assault, 4th. amendment rights grievances & sexual abuse.If that does not work – the next time you see a Niqub go straight through without being searched – threaten to sue them for profiling (non-muslim = guilty).

  89. If you like these boulders, make sure you have Joshua Tree National Park on your radar. The Hidden Valley campground is simply amazing…that is if you like boulders. I’m sure you’ll get there.MJ

  90. Nice read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on that. And he just bought me lunch as I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thank you for lunch! “England and America are two countries separated by the same language.” by George Bernard Shaw.

  91. gordinho do baixaki disse:Pô..os anos 90 eram foda…Conquest era praticamente um Softsoftporn do Mortal….todo mundo se insinuando pra todo mundo…até o Quan Chi e o Shang Tsung tavam pegando geral…

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